I Am a Brain in a Jar

Simple Needs (New Audio)

August 10, 2020 Klaus Brenner and Doctor Brandon Winter Season 1 Episode 18
I Am a Brain in a Jar
Simple Needs (New Audio)
Chapters
I Am a Brain in a Jar
Simple Needs (New Audio)
Aug 10, 2020 Season 1 Episode 18
Klaus Brenner and Doctor Brandon Winter

A rerecording of our second episode with a brand new voice over by the amazing Sarah Nightmare.

We've been doing this for nearly a year, and both Klaus Brenner and Dr. Brandon Winter were in need of a break. But don't worry, we'll be back with new material on Aug. 24.

Show Notes Transcript

A rerecording of our second episode with a brand new voice over by the amazing Sarah Nightmare.

We've been doing this for nearly a year, and both Klaus Brenner and Dr. Brandon Winter were in need of a break. But don't worry, we'll be back with new material on Aug. 24.

Welcome back. We have a blood-curdling story for you today. But first, a public service announcement.

Is your teenage child acting strange? Is Penny sullen and withdrawn when she was once so agreeable. Has Peter lost all enthusiasm for his old interests and hobbies? Has Tory been hanging around strange and unsavory new people? If any of this sounds familiar, then your child could be... a pod person.

Yes, it is exceedingly likely that your son or daughter has been killed, dissolved and replaced by a duplicate grown from an alien space pod. It is a malicious entity devoted to the eradication of the human race and must be destroyed. Do not sympathize with it, it no longer loves you.

It is imperative that you contact law enforcement as soon as possible. Men with flamethrowers will be at your house forthwith.

This message brought to you by Parents for a Bodysnatcher-Free America.


Simple Needs


She was a good engineer. She kept her focus in the silent, featureless expanses of space, where existence seemed too large and too small at the same time. She knew the core was running hot by the hum of the deck plates, and if it needed maintenance by the color of the plasma that churned behind tungsten glass. The ship had simple needs. She understood them.

Then it began to tell her other things. It told her secrets, things no one else knew—how the universe was made, the names of the stars as they passed. It painted pictures in her mind in colors there were no words for. 

She began visiting the core late at night. She laid her hands on the containment casings and stared into the cloud of charged plasma. At first there was nothing to see, but then, slowly, she saw it: a face with eyes of super conducted light. “I show this only to you,” it said, “because you are special.”

She could tell the others on the ship were jealous. She was not stupid—she saw the way they looked at her, and she heard how they talked about her when they thought she couldn’t hear. They wanted the secrets the core gave her, and she could not share them. “They are small people,” the face said to her one night, “they don’t know the things we know. That is why I cannot stay here, why I need you to do me a favor. I need you to set me free.” 

The others did not suffer…. much. She pumped the exhaust off the core through the vents and killed them before they knew what was happening. She watched it all over the security feed behind a sealed blast door. Only one of the others tried to get in—he pounded on the door and screamed—but soon went still. 

When it was done, the gas began to gather. The face she had seen a hundred times—the face she loved and which she knew loved her—was a carousel of ruby and green filament and burning ether. She shielded her eyes as she looked at it, and the form spread itself until it filled her vision. She knew what it wanted, and what she had to do. 

She released the door and embraced it. It surrounded her, held her, suffocated her. “This,” it said as its brilliant face looked into hers, “is the final secret.” And then there was silence. 

The ship had simple needs. She understood them. 


This is another message brought to you by Parents for a Bodysnather-Free America.

We would like to offer our sincerest apologies for the earlier public service announcement. It was a little out there. You know, the teenage years are an awkward time, and it’s not unusual for adolescents to become standoffish, to find new friends and interests, or to open their mouths widely and emit a high-pitched screech while pointing at you. Your kid is going to be OK.

And all that talk about space pods and bodysnatchers, you realize how crazy that sounds? Are you suggesting that spores from a dying planet drifted several lightyears through space then just randomly landed on a planet with intelligent life? That’s a billion-to-one shot. 

Do you have any idea how unlikely it is that a race of alien infiltrators has taken control of nearly all world governments, law enforcement agencies and media outlets? I bet you even think aliens took control of Parents for a Bodysnatcher-Free America. What a preposterous thought.

And hypothetically, even if we… I mean, even if aliens had taken over nearly everything, what are you going to do about it? They’ve won.

So stop worrying about how weird your kids, your boss or your neighbors are. Just pour yourself a glass of wine, pop a Xanax or whatever you need, sit back and just let whatever’s going to happen happen. 

We’ve already surrounded your house.