I Am a Brain in a Jar

Galaxy Box

June 01, 2020 Klaus Brenner and Doctor Brandon Winter Season 1 Episode 13
I Am a Brain in a Jar
Galaxy Box
Chapters
I Am a Brain in a Jar
Galaxy Box
Jun 01, 2020 Season 1 Episode 13
Klaus Brenner and Doctor Brandon Winter

What sinister secrets lurk behind a 19th-century painting?

Written by Klaus Brenner and Dr. Brandon Winter. Narration by Sarah Nightmare via Fiverr. Music by Two Dudes,Tide Electric, Stephen Keech, Hallowed Halls, and Dresden, the Flamingo, via Soundstripe.

Show Notes Transcript

What sinister secrets lurk behind a 19th-century painting?

Written by Klaus Brenner and Dr. Brandon Winter. Narration by Sarah Nightmare via Fiverr. Music by Two Dudes,Tide Electric, Stephen Keech, Hallowed Halls, and Dresden, the Flamingo, via Soundstripe.

Good evening, gentle listener. Tonight, I have some things I need to get off my chest. But first, as always, a word from our sponsor.

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Have you ever seen A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte  by Georges Seurat? Take a minute to Google it if you need to, but you know what I’m talking about. It’s that one painting with a bunch of fancy people chilling on a beach in Paris. You know, the one that Cameron’s obsessed with in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The one with all the points.

Now, I’ve been drifting aimlessly through time and space for well over 10 thousand years now. And that’s given me time to think. Especially about A Sunday on La Grande Jatte. And I’m convinced this painting depicts an invasion.

Huh. It looks like one of those Quantum Case realites is bleeding into ours. Which might mean the end of all life in the universe. We’ll let you know.

But back to La Grande Jatte, let’s discuss the blood fountain. The one under the tree. A stone altar, a white boulder floating in the air, a torrent of blood flowing into the grass. There are those that argue that this is just a woman’s back, but they’re wrong. It’s a blood fountain, placed there with demonic intent. And the people around it, all dressed in red, are in on it somehow. 

Well, what do you know? A race of barbarian,  humanoid leeches is currently plundering Mega Paris from atop their spider-stallions. Neat, right?

But we should keep our focus on the Paris of Georges Seurat. So what’s with all this white slime, engulfing everything? That’s just sand, some may say. But then why is it inland? It’s in the lap of this poor woman, powerless to move as she’s slowly transformed into God knows what. To the right, a woman holds her husband as the slime engulfs his chest. It’s on the head of a terrified young girl, running into the trees towards what looks very much like a TARDIS. And we all know that if Time Lords are involved, then something’s about to go down.

 Oh dear. The breach just destroyed both Neo Tokyo and New New York and is expanding, so we’re all going to die, more than likely. 

But let’s keep our sights on what’s important. I mean, look at the woman in the foreground. She’s walking a monkey on a leash. What kind of supervillain shit is that? And that guy in the front, the one just relaxing and smoking a pipe while people behind him are being eaten by slimes. You know he’s up to no good.

It’s the little girl in the middle, the one dressed in white. She’s causing all this. That’s why her face is all washed out. Because her evil’s too great to be perceived by human eyes.

What happened here, exactly? Were the forces of evil defeated, here on this beach? Or is the world ruled by slime people now? 

By the way, scientists figured out that whole alternate reality bleeding into our reality thing. So everyone’s safe now, apparently. Huzzah.